Your Superpower!

This is my first official blog post. It's not that I didn't have anything to share or to say before now, 

it's just that I have the most heartfelt ideas and the biggest light bulb moments while I am in the shower but I have the memory of a damn goldfish (and the knees of an elephant, go figure) so by the time I take care of the personal hygiene rituals (this only consists of drying off and D-stick, but still) all those brilliant epiphanies have evaporated faster than the steam from the shower.

So I figured what the hell, why not just blabber incessantly on my blank blog page. I am not even sure if anyone will read it and the truth is I'm not that bothered by it. That's the thing that has come with being 51 (along with the elephant knees), I see time passing by. I see all the years I spent not doing much other than doubting myself and where that got me, just more of the same. Yep,  here comes the big long paragraph about loving yourself. I started to lie and tell you it wasn't coming but it is, I am just hoping I might be able to share it in a way where you'll actually believe me! 

There have been so may times when I have felt so down on myself.  I've always been pretty upbeat but I am talking about inside. In there it was a whole other story. Maybe you know what I mean, those feelings of not being good enough. I found myself criticizing others in my mind and criticizing myself even more. I was doing things that didn't make me feel better like looking at other people's lives as if they had it figured out and just not getting off of my ass to do the things I knew I was capable of doing. I realized that I was being driven by FEAR. Fear that there just wasn't enough to go around,  fear that if someone else had this or that there wasn't enough left for me. Even deeper than that was the fear of success, I mean, if I never really did anything what was there to lose?  Upon realizing this I didn't feel better, I actually just felt more unworthy (let the pile on begin!) And so I started to examine what the hell was really going on. When I began to study and experience the energetic body and the Chakras things really started to shift.  Learning that our energy has a cycle and part of that cycle is stagnation. Stagnation isn't "bad" as long as we don't sit in that shit until the mosquitoes roll in! Stagnation gives us an opportunity to pause, to move inward and to work through what needs to be worked out.  So that's what I did. I took my shit inward. I went in there with a fierce curiosity and love and I came out with the realization that I can't be anyone else but me. Being me is my super power. Being me is the only thing that truly makes me whole and special. And the question became, "Who the hell are you. ?" Initially learning who I am became learning who I am not. The answers are revealed to me daily. They emerge with clarity when I am not clouded by the fear of lack. The answers show up in abundance when I practice gratitude and Seva.  It really is that simple. All this time spent worrying and feeling like shit and all I needed to do was what I am telling you right now: Be kind. Be true. Be you. . .and maybe find a really good therapist!