What Are You Waiting For?

 When the world began to shut down nearly 2 years ago as a result of Covid, I decided to get to work. It didn't take long for me to figure out that we were approaching some strange and scary times although I had no idea just how weird shit was going to get. While many people were isolated at home with children, spouses, and the stress of working from home, I was heading to the train station every day to record facebook live yoga classes. Even though students weren't meeting me there (which was admittedly very hard for me), I had the luxury of maintaining my routine. I had somewhere to go and something to do. It had me thinking that us humans NEED that. We need somewhere to go and something to do. We have a deep, driving desire to be of service to others. And that got me thinking, what about being of service to ourselves? I am not talking about being self-serving. I am talking about taking tender loving care of ourselves without the fucking guilt trip. We don't feel the need to rationalize when we take care of our children, our spouses, our parents. Why do we feel like we have to justify taking care of ourselves? I am not referring to spa days although if that's what lights your soul on fire, go for it! I am talking about saying NO to all the distractions that take us further away from where we want to be. The really hard shit.

In 2020 I started digging into the really hard shit. I was completely immersed in my advanced teacher training and stuff I didn't even know was there, began to bubble to the surface. What's a girl to do besides keep doing her work (and find a decent therapist)? It was near the end of that year that I had hip surgery which created a beautiful opportunity for physical healing to accompany the emotional healing that had been taking place.

In January of 2021 I was asked by my teacher to facilitate a practicum group for yoga teachers in my online community titled "Savasana Studies". I was so honored that my teacher trusted me enough but I was also terrified! Who was I to facilitate a group for yoga teachers? There's that old voice that will creep its way in and try like a motherfucker to steal joy and replace it with doubt. But then this quite strange and lovely thing happened. I realized that we're all afraid. We all fear not being enough of something. So I rolled up my sleeves and said, "Fuck that!" I started asking myself questions like, “When we're afraid, what are we actually afraid of?” I think the most terrifying thing we can do is shrink because of fear. I poured every ounce of love and support I had to offer to those yogis every Saturday morning and the most amazing thing happened. They poured it right back into me! Every single one of them! THAT is the power of love! When we're afraid and we lovingly and humbly show up anyway, we have the power to liberate one another.

In January of 2022 I rang in the New Year with covid. It hasn't been fun but it has been enlightening. I absolutely love that I know how to take care of myself and that I am surrounded by so many loving, kind, and generous people. All while one of my oldest and dearest friends has watched both of her elderly parents fight for their lives after a terrible car accident right before Christmas. Sadly, her dad left this physical world last night. He was one of the most caring people I have ever known. When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought of was my dear, sweet friend. And then my thoughts went to her dad, Bo. And I thought, "What the hell are you waiting for?" We are only here for a flash and then we're gone. All the love in the world can't keep us here and yet, when we're gone that's all that's left of this life. The love we leave behind.  

We don't need to know a bunch of shit. We don't need thousands of followers. We don't need to look a certain way, weigh a certain amount, or even have our shit together all the time. But what we do need is love and caring. We need to care about others and we need to care enough about ourselves. We need to stop allowing fear to keep us from doing the things that bring meaning to our lives. Seriously!  What are you waiting for?

Andy Dufresne said it best, "Get busy living or get busy dying."